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These are the oatmeals of our lives

OatmealTime: 8:20 am
Serving Pot: 95% full
Appearance: Swampy
Topping Applied: Honey – 9 grams
Taste: Popcorn
Amount Eaten: 40%
Overall experience: 6/10

A stunning drop in quality. Not sure how it all unfolded. So disappointing it’s almost poetic. No, it IS poetic. These are the peaks and valleys of life as told within the confines of a 16 ounce compostable paper cup. Still, the popcorn taste was kind of neato.

A bold entry for Oatmeal of the Year (OOTY)

OatmealTime: 9:35 am (8/13/2012)
Serving Pot: 35% full
Appearance: Turgid, insistent
Topping Applied: Honey – 18 grams
Taste: Normal
Amount Eaten: 90%
Overall experience: 9/10

Maybe I’m still riding my high from yesterday, but I particularly enjoyed the firmness of today’s oatmeal. It was a man’s breakfast. A breakfast that, when asked to send out the daily company newsletter, says, “Not now. I have some other stuff to do first.”

Mia slays the evil gorgon of post-modern sarcasm!

Mia with oatmealTime: 8:15 am (8/10/2012)
Serving Pot: 100% full
Appearance: Humid, complicit
Topping Applied: Honey – 18 grams
Taste: Normal
Amount Eaten: 90%
Overall experience: 10/10

Just when I began to question the valence of humanity, Mia swoops in like Bellerophon riding the winged Pegasus of antiquity and asks how my blog was going without a hint of cynicism! Then, in passing, she mentions being included in a photo for my blog! I hesitate, assuming tomstuffery. Finally, I inquire tentatively, ready to retract the request at the first sign of doubt. Would she? Really? She would!!!

Cryptic psychobabble!!!

OatmealTime: 8:10 am
Serving Pot: 100% full
Appearance: Lush, robust
Topping Applied: Honey – 18 grams
Taste: Normal
Amount Eaten: 90%
Overall experience: 9/10

Tried not mentioning my blog to “Brooke” to see if she would bring it up without being prompted. All she said was, “One more day ’till Friday!” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???

EDIT: Wife reminded me that today is Thursday. Mystery solved!

Success has its price

OatmealTime: 8:25 am
Serving Pot: 90% full
Appearance: Over-moist
Topping Applied: Honey – 18 grams
Taste: Slightly ruddy
Amount Eaten: 70%
Overall experience: 8/10

Some buzz developing around my blog. Coworker mentioned he’s enjoying comments from other posters. However, I have detected a kernel of jealousy germinating amongst others who have been made aware of my work.

Moist and torrid

OatmealTime: 8:14 am
Serving Pot: 100% full (first!)
Appearance: Moist, torrid
Topping Applied: Honey – 18 grams
Taste: Normal
Amount Eaten: 50%
Overall experience: 9/10

Went a little nutso this morning. Had oatmeal and yogurt parfait! Felt so guilty. “Brooke” looked at me like I was princess Sheba. “I’m a man!” I said. “Brooke” didn’t like being yelled at.

Perfect consistency but not without its metaphorical lumps

OatmealTime: 9:35 am
Serving Pot: 65% full
Appearance: Perfect consistency!
Topping Applied: Honey – 18 grams
Taste: Earthy, toasted
Amount Eaten: 90%
Note: one oat husk found by mouth
Overall experience: 8/10

Told the other cashier, Mia, that bloging had commenced. She wished me the best of luck. Detected a note of irony in her voice. She’s always been nice but a bit edgier than “Brooke.” Maybe if you could combine Marion Cunningham and Deadpool. She’s like that.

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